This post…
I have written it and deleted it about 10 times. Changed and unchanged my mind. Thought about it, re-thought it. Prayed about it. I finally decided that I should just post it. And I don’t say this to start any kind of drama- that’s just not how I roll. I just want to share how I’m feeling and be completely honest about it. (p.s. I’m really nervous about this!)
I’m not calling myself a vegan anymore.
First of all I’m not planning on changing anything about the way I eat or live my life. That is staying the same- my purpose in living my life is to live in a way that shows compassion and kindness to all animals, human and non-human.
I’m still eating a plant-based diet. I still won’t be buying any leather(though I still do wear the leather things that I already had- I’m a poor college student, I can’t afford to replace it. Plus when I wear it, it reminds me of why I live my life the way I do). Even though, yes, I am technically a vegan I don’t want to call myself one any more.
There are a couple of reasons for this decision…
First of all I’ve found the vegan community to be very judgmental and unkind as a whole. That makes me extremely sad. 
(I’m not saying all vegans are, just what I’ve witnessed in general in the community). I’ve seen people call other people unfathomable names because they’re a “better vegan” than them or because they accidently ate something with milk in it and didn’t realize it until it was too late. Whaa? Yes. And the whole thing with Natalie Portman and Bob Harper?! Goodness. I’ve even found myself starting to think that way a few times and I don’t like that at all. I don’t want to be that person. Especially with the career I’m going into- not every client I have will be willing to transition to a completely plant-based diet and I need to be able to help them without judging them. I want to get away from this mindset- know what I mean?
Another reason is because I feel like I’m being judged All.The.Time. and I’m going insane trying to be perfect. I feel like if I make one mistake I’m going to get blasted and It makes me so tired and sad. I couldn’t even enjoy a vacay with my husband because I was so worried about what I was going to eat the whole cruise. The people at our dinner table watched me like hawks every single bite I ate- it was miserable. And my poor husband- I probably drove him nuts as well. I want to be free to be imperfect and mess up without being judged or made to think that I’m not good enough. When I’m on vacation I don’t want to have to worry myself ragged about driving the waiter insane about the ingredient list to make sure there’s no butter in it. I’m only human and I’m imperfect. I will make mistakes. And I want that to be okay.
I actually decided this quite a while ago and discussed it with the husband, but now that I’m actually putting it out on my blog I feel much much better about the decision. Like I said I’m not planning on changing anything in my diet, but it feels really nice to just relax about it all. I don’t want to be known by a label- I just want to BE!!
Whew!
I can totally understand where you’re coming from. When I stopped eating meat, I refused to call myself a vegetarian for a couple reasons: 1) generally speaking, I’m very hesitant and resistant to labeling myself in anyway and 2) I had a feeling the strictly no meat thing wasn’t going to last forever, and I didn’t want to be judged (or worst) should I decide to start eating meat again. I was so resistant to labeling myself that anytime my boyfriend would tell people I was a vegetarian, I would automatically say, “No, I’m not. I just don’t eat meat.” Typing that out, it seems silly, but in my mind there’s a very clear distinction.
Whe I initially went meat-free it was basically an attempt to sort out and better understand where I stood on the meat issue. After some time, I’ve determined my issue doesn’t lie with eating meat (as right or wrong as that may be) as much as it does the way meat is produced. It’s the same reason I stopped buying berries in the winter, and I’m giving serious consideration to buying a CSA share next year. It’s the same reason that I do a lot of vegan baking and have (overall) reduced the amount od animal products I consume on a day to day basis.
Sometimes I will tell people I’m vegetarian strictly because it’s easier to explain than my food politics, but more recently I will people I don’t eat meat that I haven’t prepared myself. It seems like the best solution since I cook for people a lot and some times the meals I cook have meat in them.
And now that I’ve left you a novel length comment…basically I don’t think labeling yourself is nearly as important as being comfortable with yourself and your circumstances. You should be able to live life in a way that makes you happy without feeling judged or like you’re disappointing someone. The world isn’t going to end if you accidentally eat some butter while on vacation. 🙂
All that and I didn’t even manage to finish some of my thoughts!
I’ve started eating meat again which is why I tell people I only eat meat I’ve prepared. I do eat meat again, but I try to buy meat from sustainable sources (but if we’re being honest, that doesn’t ALWAYS happen). When I do cook with meat, I use it for the flavor rather than the star of the meal. However, I order vegetarian 99.9% of the time when I eat out.
I think i don’t really mind too much being called a vegan cause technically I am. I know I will never go back to eating meat again- the thought of it makes me literally gag. I just don’t like the thought of having to be absolutely perfect all the time- like if a friend says this is the best ice cream I’ve ever had in my whole life you have to have a bite. I want to be free to have that one bite and not be hung up on no I can’t- know what I mean? And making myself realize that that one bite of ice cream on vacation doesn’t mean that I’m not still living the moat compassionate life I can is a big battle for me. 🙂
I think you should be proud to get on here and say what you are feeling!! Don’t be nervous. I do agree that a lot of the vegans that I have interacted with are very judmental towards people who aren’t in the same “one of us” mentality. All that does is make everyone be judmental toward them and then associate all vegans as that way. It’s all just ridiculous in my opinion! Who cares what you eat and what you don’t eat!!!! I’ve seen friendships completely ripped apart because of this…CRAZY!!! As long as you are happy with yourself than that’s really all that matters. Who are we to judge? Labeling and putting people into categories is just stupid…just be Sarah. I think you are great no matter what you eat! So don’t worry. Those who matter don’t care…..those who care don’t matter….
Thanks Mindi! I started feeling like I was getting that judgmental attitude- especially when I interacted more with the vegan community. And I didn’t like that at all- that’s definitely not the person I am!!!
Obviously, I’ve already told you all of this. But I’ll say it again for the sake of the conversation that I truly hope this blog creates.
I’m a meat eater and I feel like I’m under constant judgment and scrutiny from our blogging community FOR eating meat. I feel like the predominance in our community is to be vegetarian, often vegan, or at least a meat eater that eats meat 1-2 times a week. I’m someone that eats meat pretty much every day. That being said, I eat much less meat than I used to and 75% + of the meat that I eat comes from a natural foods store, which I then prepare myself. But none of that really matters in the eyes of someone that chooses to judge me FOR eating meat and for posting mostly meat containing recipes on my blog.
It’s a natural desire to be accepted and liked by others, and unfortunately when you are different, the acceptance isn’t always present from others. It can really make you hypersensitive to anticipating non-acceptance from other people you meet, even when that isn’t the case. I also think there’s a unspoken pressure that nutrition and RD students/practitioners feel from the general public about the way they/WE eat. I know I feel this pressure from time to time. We’re supposed to show other people what “healthy eating” is like and the general public doesn’t understand that healthy eating involves treats and indulging from time to time.
I think your willingness to respect other’s decisions about their beliefs and food habits is a noble one and shows what an amazing RD you are going to be one day! And removing the label of vegan from your life is truly the first step to building the credibility and habit of respecting someone regardless of how they eat! It’s normal to feel pressure and judgment from others, but just like you tell me – less people actually have the reaction you are assuming they have regarding your food habits.
Thanks Laura!! Thanks for pre-reading this post for me and encouraging me to push the publish button!
Congratulations, Baby. I know you’ve been nervous about posting this. I definitely agree with your readers above that life’s too short to sweat the small stuff. People that judge you because of a stupid title and because of what inadvertently gets eaten don’t know the REAL you! I totally support you in all that you do because, lets face it, you’re awesome!
Thanks sweetie! You know I love you more than my luggage! 😀
While I can’t claim to know you incredibly well and thus know the personal hesitancy that accompanied this post in particular, I CAN empathize. It can feel so much more open, honest, and frankly terrifying to put your feelings in writing on the blog than to your close loved ones in private. I SO applaud your willingness to share and be open about your decision. Way to go Sarah! I’m proud of you. 🙂
Thanks Rachel!!
I feel that way about healthy eating in general. Everyone has their own idea of what “healthy” is and some people can be so judgmental…especially that ONE time they see you have a cookie or something. I’ll treat myself when I feel like it! LOL. Hang in there- no need for labels anyway. 🙂
:). Thanks Casey!
Sarah this is so brave and important to put out there. Healthy is different for all of us. But when I put the label vegan on myself (for a very short time) I felt guilty for wanting ice cream – even though I’m lactose in tolerant. Even being vegetarian I eat fish occasionally in sushi for dinner when I crave it which technically makes me pescatarian.
Instead I only use the label to describe my eating to others when I need too. Otherwise I don’t even use them. Your food is your decision and no one should judge you.
Thanks Cynthia- you’re totally right!!!
I’m glad you were able to put this out there, and I think it’s important to do what is best for you whether that falls into a specific category or not! I hope this will give you some peace of mind and allow you to enjoy eating, not stress about it.