I don’t usually get too serious here- for the most part I like my blog to stay light, fun, and full of food.  But sometimes I like to broach a more serious matter because it’s something I’m struggling with and I’m sure others out there are struggling with the same and maybe it would help them if I shared.

So today we’re going to talk about feeling sorry for yourself.

We all do it sometimes, and I’m not saying that’s a bad thing.  But I find I do it a lot.  Like sometimes it’s an everyday occurrence.  And when you feel sorry for yourself on a regular basis it becomes obsessive and that’s when it becomes a problem.  It can become addictive!

Sometimes the smallest thing can trigger me feeling sorry for myself and I end up wallowing in it all day and I find that I completely wasted my day feeling sorry for myself.  Some of the things that have set me off this past year include:

• My car has been in the shop most of the summer.  I was so excited about being able to get my car paid off and as soon as I did it broke down. It’s now on it’s third trip to the shop and we’ve already spent around $2,000 on it this summer.  This past trip into the shop I felt sorry for myself for a whole week!  I just wallowed and wallowed, it was ridiculous!
• Grades.  My school grades are good.  A 3.71 GPA is nothing to sniff at.  It’s soooo much better than the last time I went through college (I barely scraped a 3.0) and yet I feel bad about it?  When I see all the people bragging about their 4.0’s (don’t get me wrong I think that’s amazing- I’d be bragging if I had a 4.0 too!) it makes me feel like a complete dunce.  I love school.  I love learning.  I’m just not naturally smart or good at it so I have to work my butt off for a B in my science classes.  But I can never feel a sense of accomplishment for that because there’s always someone that’s done better.  So I wallow and feel sorry for myself about how stupid I am.  This one is a vicious circle and happens every semester when final grades come out.  Sigh.
• Weight loss.  Every time I think I am doing good or had a fantastic week I’ll step on the scale for my weigh in and will have gained 2-3 lbs.  And of course that triggers me feeling sorry for myself for days or even weeks sometimes.
• Getting behind in my degree.  Last year financial aid decided I made too much money (which I still don’t understand because I didn’t even have a job) so I had to get a job to pay for most of my tuition, my books, and my gas.  I also had to drop a couple of classes and was only able to take 2 classes a semester.  Of course that put me behind which was frustrating enough.  But the first semester I worked 40 hrs a week (at a labor intense job) and I was so stressed out trying to balance it with my crazy commute and my classes, not to mention physically exhausted from the hard labor and being on my feet 8-10 hrs a day.  Let’s just say there was not much energy left for studying- I was barely able to drag myself to bed when I got home from work much less study!  Last year I fell into the deepest depression I’ve ever been in my whole life.  When I look back on it I’m not sure how I survived it much less how I pulled myself out of it.

These are just a few of many things this past year.  For me these pity parties are almost always a tale tale sign of depression.  Wallowing in my own self pity.  Buried in it.  Not sure how to pull myself out. 

Plan of action.  If I don’t start the pity party, it won’t lead to depression.  So here is my plan of action for combatting it.  These are things that I’m starting to work on every day, but I think that it’s helping!

• Raise your awareness. Do you justify your self pity?  Do you play a victim in your own head?  Do depression and anxiety accompany?  It’s good to be aware of the things that trigger your self pity- be honest with yourself when you answer these questions.
• Zero tolerance policy.  I cannot tell you how much this one helps me when I enforce it!!  Don’t allow yourself to wallow.  Don’t even go there.  Don’t let yourself indulge- not even a little!
• Build your self-esteem and focus on the positive.  This is the thing I struggle the most with and need to do the most work on.  I don’t have much self-esteem for various reasons I won’t get into quite yet.  I work on this every day, but it’s very hard for me.  (anyone have any tips?)
• The glass is half-full…  Focus on gratitude.  What are you thankful for?  Finish this sentence: Today I am grateful because…   I’ve started doing this and it helps tremendously!
• Prayer.  Ask for help.  This helps me so so much.  Every day I ask God to help me have a positive attitude and to help me be kind to people even if they’re not kind to me.  (If you don’t pray then you could just skip this one or maybe you could try meditation?)
• Physical exercise! Get those endorphins going my friend and you will feel an amazing sense of peace come over you!
• Change your perspective.  find the silver lining in any bad situation.  Learn from it.  Move on!  You can’t change what happened, so don’t dwell on it!

These are some things that are helping me right now.  It’s something I struggle with every day, but the more I work on it the easier it gets!  And just to add my disclaimer- I’m in no way a Dr. or a Psychiatrist so if you have serious problems with depression please see your doctor.